You Love Me Anyway

Edit: It was after reading this to post that nowhere in the post did I use the phrase exquisite to reference how much He loves me anyway.  This is where that gets rectified.  Okay, back to the post.

I struggled with a song for this week. As quick as I am to judge newer Christian songs (and thus have shied far away from Christian radio in the past), I was looking at You Love Me Anyways by the Sidewalk Prophets.

Video: http://youtu.be/y8BBCYFAYRI

They were a few hours away from where I lived recently. They were on a bill with about five other bands and I immediately had no interest in going because I don’t take well to most new Christian songs. In fact, I’ve been quite prideful about it. Coming from the Midwest and breaking the bonds of the Gaither family style of worship has been difficult.

I have had some friends who have turned me on to other bands that lead me to Casting Crowns and Third Day and it was even college where I first heard of Shane & Shane, but I’ve stuck with classic artists for a long time. Heck, even admitting to liking MercyMe took longer than it should have.

And there are some things in You Love Me Anyway that I just don’t get. The opening talks about a question or a lie, very generic, and I’m not immediately drawn to the song. It sounds just like any other song I’d heard on Praise 106.5, some of which just doesn’t always strike me as good and profitable to the Christian walk. They are all creamy 1% milk when the flock really needs a T-Bone steak to be healthy.

And there are more problems as the song continues. The first verse itself seems indulgent, talking about spreading our dreams and flying, when Jesus was very specific about giving up your life to gain it -which I’ve always equated included my dreams.

I know I’m being harsh on the band, I don’t know why they wrote the song or what time in their lives it comes from. Perhaps they are my age and have started to lose grandparents (they even talk about doubt and ask why loved ones have to die in the second verse). That being said, and realizing I have a high threshold for what I consider a “good” Christian song, you have to admit that the chorus is both catchy and resonant.

It’s like nothing in life that I’ve ever known

Yes, you love me anyway

Oh Lord, how you love me

How you love me

A chorus like this doesn’t necessarily set them apart from others using the message God sent with Jesus to the world of his love and salvation, but its not dressed up fancy to be something else either and that wins them a point from me.

Truth is, when I was at my lowest, Jesus did grab me and carried me (still carrying, actually) while telling me I was his son and he would get me through this. Its something I can be grateful for, a catalyst to the sometimes nightmare and sometimes beautiful life I have been through this past five or six years.

Anyone with a really hard story that revolves around God (like my friends Harvey or David, for instance, who are both recovering addicts in AA and who I love dearly for their honesty and sometimes propensity for swearing to prove a point) can generally agree that it can become like nothing you’ve ever known. If you let yourself truly be transformed, even colors and the taste of fruit can change. As in my case, it took longer than it needed to, but we’re getting there.

What really drew me to this song was the bridge. It has an unexpected brutality. It is the “Good Friday” of a song that revolves quite heavily around “Resurrection Sunday”.

I am the thorn in your crown

-But you love me anyway

I am the sweat from your brow

I am the nail in your wrist

I am Judas’ kiss

Oddly enough, it does not follow the actual trajectory of Judas Iscariot’s betrayal to Jesus but it references how Jesus prayed for himself, leaving himself ultimately and finally in the hands of the Father. He prayed so much that he began to sweat blood, as though he were a boxer.

And Judas’ kiss is the ultimate mark of betrayal. Jesus references that he knew who would betray him and called him anyway, let him be in charge of funds, and even let him take that first communion at the last supper. He washed his feet, he let Judas watch him heal and then gave Judas the power to heal when he sent the first twelve emissaries out. He did all of this knowing that Judas would betray him.

An argument could be made that Judas was not in charge of himself when Satan came upon him and he decided to betray Jesus, but there is always something when he is mention that makes you stop and wonder if he’s not just not getting it (because the disciples never really understand what Jesus is talking about until after his mortal body is hung on the cross) but if he’s willfully disappointed and hardens his heart or even allows himself to be tempted by demons.

In the end, I don’t think a book called the Gospel of Judas is really going to help up sort it out. People have to make up their own minds about the why. I’ve got things in front of that to ask Jesus when I see him anyways.

See now, I am the man who yelled out from the crowd

For your blood to be spilled on this Earth shaking ground

Yes then, I turned away with a smile on my face

With this sin in my heart- tried to bury your grace

The above speaks for itself, personal to all of us who have turned away from our old lives (repentance) or are actively trying to turn away from our old lives and addiction (still repentance, but some repentance with feet to it) and it speaks to me.

When I was a child, I had a hard time accepting that I would have ever mocked Jesus or beat him or betrayed him. But as I turned to him later in the years, I can see how I did what was above. I can’t say I held the spear in my hand that pierced his side, but I can say that I actively participated in the creation of my sins - whether or not I knew I was sinning at the time.

Its like that old question about natural law and whether people know if they are sinning if God’s law is not present. What people forget is that God’s law does run on nature and its not supposed to be that to do list that we drudge ourselves with. It’s far more Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act than we’d like to admit.

And then alone in the night

I still called out for you

So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But you loved me anyway

It’s in this little patch of song that I must have been sold on the Sidewalk Prophets for this week. Because, for me, it was true. When I was young and alone and cold in my misery, I did often cry out to God in the night (for a brother, which - if you know my story- is both a funny and cautionary tale of being careful of what you pray for (that I wouldn’t have changed for anything).

Well, that’s it for this week. I’ve got tech week for Godspell next week and then performances, which will be exhilarating and exhausting and worth it. Because He does love us anyway. In a world where remarkable evil can happen, his even more remarkable and durable goodness not just answers prayers, but heals and saves lives until my life becomes my life under Him.

Is there a story waiting to be told there? Not just yours but those around you? Think of someone this week who might be crying out to Jesus alone in the night. Reach out to them. I know its tough and yes, there is a conversion aspect, but its more than conversion.

In Luke, when Jesus sent out the 70, he told them to make themselves part of the families they went to. To become more than just isolated zealots, but to give a community new birth and to give themselves permission to be involved in new lives.

Witnessing is this and its very difficult for me (that’s why I hide behind this keyboard, I suppose). But, as the song goes, he loves me anyway.

Thanks for reading,

John